Funny Of The Week

Yum!

Laughing Along With A Limerick

Here’s your Monday smile – it’s limerick time. Send in your own or here’s a prompt for you –

TRUST

Here are a few limericks to make you smile this Monday. The prompt last week was SCARY.

Keith Channing:

Scary poems upset me in bed.

Can’t sleep fearing I’ll wake up dead

And if I spend time

Reading blood-curdling rhyme

You know it’ll fill me with dread.

Christine Mallaband-Brown:

It’s scary that an orange man

Could be running the world again

He has no compassion

But lies with a passion

Tomorrow we will see his plan.

Kim Smyth:

To me, Halloween was not hairy

No candy, no goblins, no fairy,

I did try all night

Gave myself no such fright

Viewing movies supposedly scary!

Ruth Blogs Here:

So the world watches on feeling wary

Four more years is a prospect most scary

Wake up out of your bubble

This man’s nothing but trouble

His unhinged blatant lies never vary.

Paul Mastaglio:

There once was a lass called Mary

Who was a little bit scary

She’d hide behind a wall

And give you a call

Making your skin stand up all hairy.

Smita Ray:

She worked all-day in the dairy

And walked gracefully like a fairy

After a few pegs

I was counting legs

When she whirled back, her face was all hairy!

Lyncrain:

Already knew this man’s contrary

Going on a date may be scary

But being grounded helps

Better than taking scalps

Or hoping he’ll ask me to marry.

Geoff Le Pard:

Being part troll, Jane was excessively hairy

Which sad to relate made her naturally scary.

She tried depilation

But to her consternation

She still looked more furball than fairy.

Sarian Lady:

I once had a friend called Mary

Who liked to dress up as a fairy

She loved to feed

on honey and mead

And became quite hairy and scary.

Sharon Tingle:

El Día De Los Muertos

Celebrated by Los Mexicanos

With altars of scary sugar skulls and bread

Homage is paid to those now dead

Scary fun fiestas para nosotros.

***

A Dose Of Flash Fiction

Choices

Fay couldn’t stop the terrible thoughts trampling through her head. She battled for calm. Think! Think! she shouted to her tormented mind. This was a matter of life or death. Well, almost. At the very least, it would change her life forever.

She looked at her hands, at the objects held in them. The left hand or the right? The left would hoist her high, high into the realms of heaven. The right would dig her deep into the putrid pits of hell.

Slowly, she replaced the object in her left hand. A tear prodded at her eye and she pushed the beautiful images and thoughts away.

With shoulders slumped, she trudged to the till, the sludgy low-fat concoction in her right hand. It was never worth crossing Miss Slimbridge, especially not on weigh-in night.

***

Can You Tell A Story In…

It’s Thursday and your new five-word challenge is here. This week, your prompt is THWART. So can you tell a story in five words, using the word THWART in it somewhere?

Here are your BREATHE stories from last week:

Darlene:

Help me. I can´t breathe.

EDC Writing:

Yes, breathe but not here.

Kim Smyth:

I just need to breathe!

Relax and breathe, it’s OK.

Ritu:

Breathe a sigh of relief.

Heavy breathing is not sexy!

Breathe in happiness, out, sorrow.

Christine Mallaband-Brown:

Breathe, your safely on land.

I want to breathe again,

Halloween, bat’s breathe bad air.

Breathe? I smell chocolate cake.

You can’t breath under water.

Ruth Scribbles:

Breathe like life is precious!

Paul Mastaglio:

Just make room to breathe.

Breathe in the fresh air.

Breathe in, breathe out. Relax.

Sarian Lady:

Breathe, I pray over her.

Kim Blade’s Writing:

He breathed life into me.

Stop snoring and breathe quietly!

She choked and couldn’t breathe.

Breathe deeply and calm down.

Sharon Tingle:

One, two, three, BREATHE! …PUSH!

Breathe in the morning’s glory.

Breathe deeply when in pain.

Breathe in positive vibes.

Lyncrain:

She even forgot to breathe.

It’s not easy to breathe.

Breathe, inhale, exhale…just breathe.

Valerie A Fish:

Panic attack coming, just breathe.

Can’t breathe, paper bag. Quick!

Can’t breathe with this mask!

***

Music Memories

When I was three, I loved watching Andy Pandy and wistfully yearned for a doll like Looby Loo. I sang Humpty Dumpty over and over, completely out of tune much to Mum’s dismay. I had teddy bear pictures on my wall and wore frilly dresses.

For today’s three-year-old, it’s a little different and it certainly was for my daughter. I remember being completely obsessed with Duran Duran at the age of fourteen, which seems perfectly acceptable but to have such a fixation at three years of age?

I blame my dad. He bought me the Busted album for my birthday. I’d never heard of them before, so had no idea of the purpose behind his purchase. He insists my daughter chose it with him, but I suspect it may have been on special offer or come free with a bottle of plonk.

So, being a ‘thoughtful’ mother and seeing the boys (they didn’t look any older than eight) on the cover, I thought my daughter might like to listen to it. My instincts were right. She did indeed like listening to it – again and again and again until she knew each and every one of the songs.

Who’s David was her favourite song, though as she was only just three, some of the lyrics weren’t quite the same. Instead of not being ‘worthy’, a ‘birdy’ had crept into the song somewhere. But, of course, as all parents of a three-year-old know, the three-year-old is always right.

A ‘helpful’ friend bought her an enormous poster of the band. Her grin couldn’t have been any wider and on pain of a never-ending tantrum, said poster was placed proudly on the wall of her bedroom. 

The next morning, I was summonsed into her room and she took me by the hand over to her poster and informed me that she was Charlie (the one with the big, bushy eyebrows who she liked the best), I was James and her grandfather was Matt, and together we were Busted. My dad was rather pleased as Matt had to be nearly fifty years younger than him.

Thankfully, the phase didn’t last long. A while ago I heard the band were back together and touring. I asked her (then aged fifteen) if she’d like to go and see them. If looks could kill…

Funny Of The Week

Who says romance is dead?!

Laughing Along With A Limerick

Here’s your Monday smile – it’s limerick time. Send in your own or here’s a prompt for you –

SCARY

Here are a few limericks to make you smile this Monday. The prompt last week was FAKE.

Keith Channing:

Political cynic, 2020:

Politicians? They really are fake.

So many appear on the take.

Not out in the open

But still, I’ll bet, hoping

Some personal profit to make.

Christine Mallaband-Brown:

The fake mona Lisa was taken

By an art thief who wanted to waken

An urge for fine art

And this was a start

He couldn’t afford to the Louvre, to hasten.

Ritu:

She was as fake as could be

With boobs to rival Dolly

Inflated lips

Liposuctioned hips

A real life plastic Barbie!

Paul Mastaglio:

I’m droping this line

Hoping to make a rhyme

But it feels a bit fake

When this is all I can make

So better come back next time.

Trent’s World:

There once was a man named Harlow

Who tried to sell a fake van Gogh

He swore it was true

Cost a million or two

Now he’s in jail for a decade or so.

Lyncrain:

Seriously, give me a dang break

Sincerity, yours is clearly fake

You….. promised to be there

Said you really care…

I don’t need this headache or heartache.

Sharon Tingle:

Pssst … Hi there, you handsome rake

Hey babe, just fifty dollar for a make

What? You not interested? … your loss!

Wait, oh …I’m sorry boss

Just pretending; tis all a fake!

–

Ok, so here’s the thing …

I’m so beautiful – I bling!

But “this me” has left me penniless

In my attempts to remake and impress

Fake hair, nose and “cups”, I gifted me in Beijing.

–

You know it’s really sad

When journalists are called bad

After working so hard

Reporting news even when barred

Calling it “Fake news”, sir, really makes me mad!

Sarian Lady:

Some food I like to bake.

Some food I’m afraid I fake.

A full Christmas dinner,

And I’m on a winner.

Not so with a shop-bought cake.

Valerie A Fish:

His whole persona was nowt but a fake

Found out too late he was just on the take

Reeled me in with his lies

Then said his goodbyes

Leaving chaos and heartbreak in his wake.

Chel Owens:

“I’m not fond of red velvet cake,”

Said the chef, as she set out to bake.

Acrylics all washed

Blonde curls all coiffed

She added, “I’ve never liked fake.”

***

Quotesgram

Can You Tell A Story In…

It’s Thursday and your new five-word challenge is here. This week, your prompt is BREATHE. So can you tell a story in five words, using the word BREATHE in it somewhere?

Here are your TRICKY stories from last week:

Darlene:

Watch out for Tricks or Treats.

Up to his old tricks.

You can´t trick me today.

He tricked her into marriage.

EDC Writing:

Her trick? Never being wrong.

Kim Smyth:

The trick is staying sane!

Ritu:

I love a good trick.

“Tricked ya!” she said, grinning.

“Turning tricks again?” he slurred.

Christine Mallaband-Brown:

Tricks of politicians? Bamboozling us!

Trick cyclist or really psychiatrist.

That trick is old hat.

Witches make spells and tricks.

The truck did spinning tricks!

The trick is don’t sneeze!

Magic tricks are very amazing!

Paul Mastaglio:

No tricks or treats here.

Teach a dog new tricks.

Anybody know any new tricks?

Zack and Zelda:

Insufficient tricks in my bag…

Sarian Lady:

A question.Trick or treat?

Sharon Tingle:

You scallywag! No more tricks!

Light’s playing tricks on me.

Worldwide COVID19 tricks! No Halloween.

Tricking the trickster needs tricks.

My dog Tricks can backflip.

Bharul Chhatbar:

No tricks to trick away.

Corona – a very tricky virus.

Leaves tricky drained with weakness.

God your tricks, save mankind!

***

Music Memories

What teenager who grew up in the 1980s doesn’t remember ‘Girls Just Want To have Fun’ by Cyndi Lauper? As an eleven-year-old, I thought Cyndi was amazing. After all, she had pink and orange hair! As a child, I had always been taught to be respectful, to have manners and to toe the line. And here was this strong, independent woman who didn’t seem to have a care as to what others thought of her. My mother wasn’t very impressed – with her – or with the song.

“Sounds like a cat being strangled,” was her take on it.

I thought otherwise – and chose to have it blasting out on my record player at every opportunity. I seem to remember it causing the odd row, with Mum often shouting up the stairs, “Will you turn that racket off!”

Over the years, as I grew up and then went on to start a family of my own, I didn’t think about Cyndi too much even though I heard ‘Girls Just Want To Have Fun’ on the radio now and then.

Though, it was a song I was to share with my teenage daughter – whether she liked it or not – when we went to Florida a few years ago.

International Drive, which is also known as I-Drive, a major 11.1-mile thoroughfare and the city’s main tourist strip, is part of Florida we got to know very well. We would often catch the I-Ride Trolley (a bus which travelled up and down I-Drive all day stopping at various points along the way). What has the I-Ride Trolley got to do with ‘Girls Just Want To Have Fun?’ Well, it seems they like to play the song on the Trolley – over and over and over again. It appeared to be on a loop and that loop wasn’t stopping anytime soon.

My daughter coped well at first. Then after hearing the song a few times, her face took on a sort of grimace. “What the hell is this song?” she said. “Who on earth likes something like this?” And “Why on earth can’t they stop playing it and play something else!”

I think I looked a little hurt; I was sure there were songs she thought were currently fantastic that in years to come, she’d cringe at. Not that I was cringing at Cyndi. How could I? It was ‘Girls Just Want To Have Fun’.

By the end of a fortnight’s holiday, the grimace had turned to looks of anguish and of someone undergoing the worst torture possible. She survived, especially when I pointed out to her that there were far worse songs of the 80s. I may have to play her ‘The Birdie Song’ by The Tweets sometime…

***

Funny Of The Week

Well, it’s more interesting than wrapping paper…