Laughing Along With A Limerick

Here’s to a great new week! Your new limerick challenge is as follows:


Your challenge last week was to write a limerick using the word CHURCH in it somewhere. Here are your masterpieces:

Keith Edgar Channing:

As the time nears for jumpers and sweaters,
We should think of our elders and betters.
A bench near the church
Is a fine place to perch
(And at least it has more than five letters!)

The church is where you meet your God
With delight, not a smile and a nod,
Yet so many look sad
As if life is so bad.
Doesn’t that seem to you rather odd?

Christine Mallaband-Brown:

They went to marry in the church
After meeting on a Internet search
But things went odd ’cause
The groom drank vodkas!
Causing him, down the aisle, to lurch!

Trent’s World:

Sid said crime does pay
Robbed and killed hundreds, they say
But tell him he’s bad
And he’ll get real mad
For he goes to church every Sunday!

Dave’s Poetry & Mystery:

There was a vicar named Mell
Everyone knew him so well
He was icy and stern
Commanded listen and learn
Or I’ll send you all to hell.

Ruth Scribbles:

There once was a man in church
Who bumped on the pew with a lurch
He almost fell down
He sat and frowned
“He’s drunk, no he’s blind,” and they smirched.

Val Fish:

As the church bells rang out for my John
I played the grieving widow with aplomb
But deep down in my heart
I was itching to start
A new life now the sad bastard’s gone !


When an ascetic churchwarden, called Bunt
Found out what they’d done to his punt
Which was covered in baubles
He said, ‘Bless my corbels;
Whoever did this must be some sort of an artist.’


Images credit: Rebel Quotes

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28 Responses to Laughing Along With A Limerick

  1. Kim Smyth says:

    The nape of the neck is worth kissing
    If you don’t want to be dismissing
    Just be real sure
    Your skins clean and pure
    Romance you don’t want to be missing

    Liked by 3 people

  2. trentpmcd says:

    The boss asked if Bob were ill
    For he could work much harder still
    Bob said what the heck
    I won’t break my neck
    For work should never kill


    When talking the anatomy of sex
    Judy said a man must have good pecs
    But Vlad said No
    When blood must flow
    He only thought about necks

    Liked by 2 people

  3. My friend has gone really high tech
    With a collar wrapped tight round his neck.
    When I asked him, he said
    It keeps him calm in bed,
    But can he get it off? Can he heck!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. The sailor fell onto the deck
    And seriously injured his neck
    The captain said fool!
    Playing quoits by the pool
    You’ve turned into a jibbering wreck!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. TanGental says:

    A furious God held the first scrotum
    In front of his hapless factotum.
    ‘Why didn’t you check?
    They’ve used turkey neck.
    And what use is an opposable bum?’

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Pingback: On Day Six… #limerick | TanGental

  7. limerick

    My friends, they all called me a dork
    ‘cause I didn’t know what was a fork
    They took my butter knife
    And threatened my life
    Now this dork can eat with a fork


    there once was a girl on a bus
    to grandma’s she told mr gus
    when she took a short nap
    mr gus he did snap
    “your snore almost drove me to cuss”


    There once was a man who would dare
    To walk in my yard and not care
    I turned on my hose
    I watered his nose
    He now walks around whilst he’s bare


    I agreed to go out on a date
    McDonalds is where we all ate
    I looked in his eye
    “You’re cheap so good-bye.”
    Don’t date with the friends of your mates.


    She sat there, just drinking her tea
    When he dropped down, and fell on his knees
    She looked at him once
    And said “you’re a dunce –
    Go back and stay up in your tree”

    As I crawled on my hands and my knees
    I said, “mother, oh mother,oh please!”
    “pick me right up now”
    “I want to look at the cow”
    She shuddered and gave me a squeeze.


    I once had a neighbor named Chip
    Whose backyard looks like a skip*
    I told him it stunk
    He then moved some junk
    And now I’m ignored, -what the flip?

    * A skip is a large open-topped waste container



    Oh BOIL, oh BOIL, oh BOIL
    he’s angry and like a gargoyle
    he sits there and fumes
    without eating legumes
    he’d rather they rot and just spoil


    There once was a haunted old house
    Which was covered with vines and some grouse
    Said my partner to me
    Why can’t you see
    This place is infested with louse

    Said my partner to me
    I’m going up there to see
    It’s a place that they call an outhouse

    inside lived a man
    who was said to be banned
    Cause he was covered with billions of louse

    who lives there, let’s see
    we were attacked by an army of louse


    I once found myself on the floor
    I couldn’t just crawl to the door
    with a loud shout for help
    that was more like a yelp
    I conked out and started to snore


    there once was a man who was mean
    he stank and his teeth turned real green
    he jumped in a pool
    and started to drool
    his teeth, they almost came clean


    She once was a terrible bore
    Her talks made me just want to snore
    I donned my earplugs
    And then with a shrug
    She talked ‘til she dropped to the floor


    woman, she put down her head
    she was tired, she wanted her bed
    but it was the scene
    of something real green
    a lizard was there and was dead

    that bird it shat on my arm
    for a second I wished it real harm
    the shat was not green
    it was white like cream
    I’m clean now, no cause for alarm

    I once dreamed I wanted a pool
    The thought, it did cause me to drool
    I searched on the net
    I’ve not found one yet
    Instead, I purchased a stool


    There once was a man at the gym
    Who wanted to learn how to swim
    And just like a fool
    He jumped in the pool
    The fool in the pool was slim Jim

    there once was a town with no gym
    the decision was made “no to swim”
    the folks are upset
    the pool, they didn’t get
    how dare they try budget one, Jim


    There once was an egg with two yolks
    “Am I dreaming? Please give me a poke.”
    The bump on my head
    Made me dizzy instead
    The yolk was on me, no joke!


    I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear
    How dare you even try to go there
    You gave me your word
    But you’re a big turd
    Why did you tell that I fell off the chair


    There once was a man in church
    Who bumped on the pew with a lurch
    He almost fell down
    He sat and frowned
    “He’s drunk, no he’s blind” and they smirched


    This man wrote a very bad check
    He then caused a horrible wreck
    His eyes were all glazed
    He stumbled in a daze
    “No wonder, he broke his thick neck!”

    Liked by 2 people


    This man wrote a very bad check
    He then caused a horrible wreck
    His eyes were all glazed
    He stumbled in a daze
    “No wonder, he broke his thick neck!”

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Bony Tony was as skinny as a rake.
    Many dieters thought him an absolute fake.
    For, at a barbeque,
    He would forego the stew
    To consume a whole giraffe neck steak!

    Liked by 1 person

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