My old school recently held a special bash,
Class of ’83 was on the sash,
All welcome, the banner read,
“I’m not going to that,” I said.
But my old pal persuaded me to go,
She said, “It’ll be great, you can’t say no!
We’ll see if Chris is still a catch,
And I bet old Slater’s got a shiny, bald patch.”
So off I went in pretty dress, with belly sucked in,
Wishing I was just a tiny bit thin,
I knew that the girls would be glamorous and lean,
And the boys who’d never been keen on me, still wouldn’t be keen.
When I entered the room, my face flushed white,
It really was such a sight,
First there was Clarissa, once so clever and slim,
Now she looked plump and ever so dim.
Next there was Chris, my old heartthrob,
Now a hairy biker, I just wanted to sob,
Then I saw Elizabeth who’d been so prim and posh,
Uncouth wasn’t the word and she needed a wash.
Indeed, Old Slater’s bonce had worn very thin,
And prissy Penelope looked like she’d guzzled a load of gin,
Todd, so handsome, slender and fine,
Really could no longer be called divine.
I could go on with my shocking list,
But I think you get the gist,
I left that place with head held high,
“There is a God,” was my mighty sigh.