Guest Writer Spot

This week’s guest writer, Donny Marchand has featured in this slot several times with short stories, Squeaky and the Dullards, Daddy has a Brass Band and Neetun Patience. I’ve also featured a song from Donny on my blog, written especially with the upcoming referendum in mind, The Devil’s Referendum. This time, Donny has penned a very special letter. Before you read it, here’s a little bit about Donny, in his own words:

 My record producing credits are:

Shakin’Stevens, Gene Vincent, Betsy Cook, The Wild Angels, and Elaine Delmar.

Artists who have recorded my songs include:

Roger Daltrey, Eddie Floyd, Peaches & Herb, Bill Haley & the Comets, Wilson Pickett, The Wild Angels, James Last, Reperata & the Delrons, Pierre Grosgolas (France), The Executives (Australia), The Good Rats, The Showstoppers, French Kiss, Jay & the Techniques, Peter Allen, The Duprees, and Prelude.

 Film Credits:

 Song “Panic” used in promotion of Disney/Pixar animation film “Monsters University”.

Current Video on YouTube:

“Panic” by French Kiss – Produced by Glenn Rivera to excerpts from “Grease”.

Theatre Credits:

I have written the music and librettos for three musicals. These were staged at The Hackney Empire, The Oxford Street Theatre, and The Springfield Theatre Club in North London respectively. Additionally, I wrote the music and lyrics for a musical “Sex and Violence at the Fantasy Café” which was performed at the Edinburgh and Bath festivals, plus I wrote the music and lyrics for an Italian musical production of “The Comedy of Errors” that toured Italy.

Now for his letter:

Paying for the Privilege

Dear Prime Minister,

We write to tell you how grateful we are that you have bestowed upon us your humble servants, the freedom and liberty to pay for the honour of being spied on. It is such a privilege to be able to make mandatory monetary sacrifices, to assist you and your contingent of honourable cohorts in such a noble cause. It makes us feel so happy to know that we are doing our part to help you in your righteous objective to bring about an honest, caring, and transparent government. If only we could do more, but then we are just mere mortals.

Please accept that we know and appreciate that you forgive us for our human weaknesses. And we are more than willing to comply and pay the many augmented tithes you wish to extract from us, as payment for the error of our ways. We are indeed sincerely repentant, and acknowledge that we are fortunate to have such a considerate and forgiving leader looking after our welfare. We now truly understand the meaning and wisdom of your credo “We are all in this together.” At least we suppose, we’re supposed to.

The thought of having our every move and conversation kept on record for you to exploit us, and oblige you in your struggle to ensure we are behaving ourselves, fills us with such joy that it brings tears to our eyes. We pray every day and night that you will continue to care about us so much. Those atheists favourite saying “God is dead” is now shown to be the lie that it is.

We fully comprehend your need for constant, total surveillance on the populace, and if our wallets must be emptied to fulfil that purpose, then who are we to disagree. The fact that none of your own peccadilloes, or those of your favourite cronies will ever be spied upon, and revealed to the voters is quite understandable. We realize that you couldn’t possibly permit such slanderous skulduggery to be exposed in the public domain. Allowing traitors to spout this blasphemy would only undermine your authority, and give your enemies an unfair advantage in your devoted battle against corruption and tyranny.

Surely, that cynical ploy would be used by your evil adversaries against you, and only reinforces the need for your other desired decree, the requirement of closed and secret courts for the protection of the realm. It should be obvious to any freedom loving person that open and equal justice for all and sundry, is a bane to the whole of mankind. Letting people and the media run around discussing whether a sentence was fairly imposed or not, does nothing to support you as you strive for open government.

Your exact meaning of transparency is constantly distorted by those unbelievers who strive to destroy you. Truth and honesty would surely cloud the real issues, which only you have a sound grasp and comprehension of. Therefore, they must be stamped out when they show their ugly heads. May we humbly suggest, that allowing appeals should be banished as well. As they say, “Too much knowledge can be a bad thing”, present company excepted. 

Then there is that deceitful rumour regarding your foreign aid  policy. To suggest that there are underhanded practices going on in the distribution of the funds is nothing less than treason. Yes, the recipient regimes may be corrupt and ruthless, but as you say Mr. Prime Minister, “What better way is there to get them to toe the line then bribery?” Implying that a portion of the financial assistance somehow finds its way into your pockets, is just vicious mud-slinging designed to malign you, and bring down your administration. But rest assured, we have no doubts of your good intentions when you ask us to make sacrifices so you can hand over enormous amounts of dosh to brutal dictators, so they can help themselves. Your compassion, and kindness to others is nothing short of sainthood.  

Still, the most admirable thing about you in my opinion is, that you’ve put up for so long with all those idiots screaming for a referendum. How can they expect you to serve the public effectively without their complete obedience? Believing they are entitled to their own viewpoint is fanciful, and diminishing to your ability to control the masses, and get the job done.

You have told us many times that, the benefits of being a member of the European Union far outweigh the trillions of pounds we splash out every year just to belong to the club. Yes, it’s true that you didn’t object to the Scots having a referendum. In fact most people believe it was you who instigated it, and they continue to wonder why.

 Well the answer is simple. You comprehended that north of the border the citizens are intelligent enough to understand, that the additional flow of cash and benefits they receive by belonging to the United Kingdom would disappear if they decided to go it alone. Also, you knew that it made them extremely happy that the rest of Great Britain did not receive these extras. You perceived that these factors would convince them to continue to follow your decisions and leadership, even if they didn’t like you. 

Only now, do we finally comprehend that it is merely your solicitude for our mental stability, and your desire for us not to become too overexcited regarding matters that don’t concern us, that forces you to place such constraints upon society. And we reiterate, that whatever the costs are to implement these necessary commandments, we are happy for you to have them exorcised from our pockets. We wouldn’t dream of suggesting that you deplete your own funds that are accumulating in your Swiss or Cayman Island bank accounts. You have told us numerous times that you know what’s best for us. Believe me, we have complete confidence in your judgement, and are satisfied with all the resolutions you make on our behalf.  

 In closing we would like to say that we are now truly beholden, and completely understand the reasons for all your broken promises. We can now see, that they were justifiably required. There were so many u-turns and backtracks, that it would take a book as thick as “War and Peace”, to explain our gratitude to you for them all. So for the time being we will just genuflect, and leave it at that.

Yours ignobly,

The undeserving public            


If you’d like to see your work in my Guest Writer Spot, please contact me here or by e-mail: I accept stories, poems, articles – in fact, anything and everything. All you have to do is make sure your prose is no longer than 2000 words and your poems no more than 40 lines.



This entry was posted in Guest Writer, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s