Funny Of The Week

No wonder they’re ‘cheap as chips’…

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Laughing Along With A Limerick

Here’s to a great new week! Your new limerick challenge is as follows:

JOKE

Your challenge last week was to write a limerick using the word GYM in it somewhere. Here are your masterpieces:

Kim Smyth:

There once was a man with a gym
Who dreamed all of his friends could be slim
His friends and folks came
But their willpower was lame
So he lost everything on his whim.

Christine Mallaband-Brown:

In space you can see Captain Jim
Exercising in the Enterprise Gym
But look at this scene
You can’t hear him scream!
No sound in a vacuum, poor him!

Keith Edgar Channing:

Last time that I entered a gym
I signed in with a fresh anonym
If I had my druthers
I’d go with my brothers
Cos the pain that I felt was quite Grimm.

Richmond Road:

In a quest to be pretty and trim
My last wife enrolled at the gym
Her training instructor
Became her seductor
Now she trains every night, just with him.

TanGental:

Gym Nastic found that working out,
Left him tired with a permanent pout.
His hopes of love, barely a glimmer,
Became as naught, as he became slimmer
With perfect abs and the face of a trout.

Ruth Scribbles:

There once was a man at the gym
Who wanted to learn how to swim
And just like a fool
He jumped in the pool
The fool in the pool was slim Jim.

Lance Greenfield:

Bony took me to the gym.
He also took my sister, Kim.
We tried. We cried.
We damn near died.
The end result? We’re very slim!

***

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 13 Comments

Can You Tell A Story In…

It’s Thursday once again and that means five-word story time. Your new word this week is:

PUZZLE

So can you tell a story in five words using the word PUZZLE in it somewhere?

Your word last week was ALARM. Here are your ALARM stories:

Keith Channing:

Alarms always awaken attentive athletes.
Left-wing views alarm populist press.
Avionics alarm alerts ailing astronaut.
Robust procedures triggered by alarm.
My alarm just went off!

Kim Smyth:

David’s alarm? Sea sounds! Ahhhh.

Ritu:

The alarm beeped. Too early!

Forgot to switch alarm off!

Forgot to switch alarm on!

Ruth Scribbles:

The prognosis is very alarming.

Set your own alarm, dear!

My alarm did not ring.

Fire alarms are extremely loud.

Christine Mallaband-Brown:

Alarm! Alarm! You’re on fire!

The cooker alarm went off.

My alarm – set for five.

Alarm was set too late.

The low plane caused alarm.

Volcano alarm, alert, beware warning!

Val Fish:

Set smoke alarm off. Again…

Missed alarm. Interview today. Shit!

Alarm bells ringing? Take heed…

Lance Greenfield:

Louder than an alarmed llama.

Smarmy salesman alarms charming farmer.

American firearms laws raise alarms.

Tessa:

Loud alarms are very annoying.

Prefer nature sounds for alarms.

Rather not set an alarm.

Fire alarms scare me silly.

Fire alarms contribute to deafness.

***

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 16 Comments

Funny Of The Week

Well, it is true…

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 8 Comments

Laughing Along With A Limerick

Here’s to a great new week! Your new limerick challenge is as follows:

GYM

Your challenge last week was to write a limerick using the word POOL in it somewhere. Here are your masterpieces:

Kim Smyth:

We own both pool table and pool
In the summer they’re both really cool
But when the cold comes
We’re just down to one
Should’ve invested in a heated swimming pool!

Christine Mallaband-Brown:

A pool table on a pool is odd!
But there it floated on its tod
It seemed unattended?
But suddenly, that ended
As the black was potted by a Cod!

Val Fish:

Oh boy did Bean feel a fool
Losing his trunks in the pool
With nowhere to hide
He swallowed his pride,
Surfaced clutching his tiny tool.

TanGental:

Buff Sixpack knew he was cool
As he posed in the gym and the pool;
He thought his hot bod
Would make girls think him god;
Instead all they saw was a tool.

Ruth Scribbles:

I once dreamed I wanted a pool
The thought, it did cause me to drool
I searched on the net
I’ve not found one yet
Instead, I purchased a stool.

Lance Greenfield:

Tony took me to Giilingham pool.
It was freezing, yet he said it was cool.
He threw me straight in
And I learned to swim
With no need for lessons at school.

***

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 21 Comments

Can You Tell A Story In…

It’s Thursday once again and that means five-word story time. Your new word this week is:

ALARM

So can you tell a story in five words using the word ALARM in it somewhere?

Your word last week was PERFUME. Here are your PERFUME stories:

Keith Channing:

Smells are chargeable per fume.

Perfumed Garden – very explicit book!

Profumo – not the Perfumo affair.

Terveen Gill:

Love can perfume pungent hearts.

Kim Smyth:

Cannot cover stink with perfume.

I perfume wrists with Frankincense.

I love musky perfume sprays.

Ritu:

Her perfume lingered, long after…

Strong perfume makes me sneeze!

Pefumed letters – bringing back memories.

Ruth Scribbles:

Perfume is a major irritant.

I followed her perfume trail.

Christine Mallaband-Brown:

Perfume, heaven in a bottle.

Rose petal perfume? Didn’t work!

Poison is my favourite perfume.

The perfume had heady notes…

Soap perfumed with lavender flowers.

I sent you perfume scents.

Fart in a bottle? New perfume!

Lance Greenfield:

Smokers: one cough per fume.

Linking People 2003:

Fragrance emanating flowers’ oily perfume.

Whiffed her fresh rosy perfume.

Blooming jasmine perfumed whole room.

Smell sense aroused by perfume.

Perfume invigorated her to overwork.

Perfume helps breath in better.

Aromatherapy with perfume heals ailments.

***

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 22 Comments

A Trip Down Memory Lane

My Days as a Duranie

I couldn’t believe it – more than thirty-five years after I first fell in love with the pop group Duran Duran, I was going to see them live. My partner had surprised me with tickets as a Christmas present, and I couldn’t wait. Alas, Covid had other plans, but in the autumn of 2021, my dream was realised.

It was absolutely fantastic and took me back to those days of being a thirteen-year-old, with my bedroom walls plastered in posters of my favourite group. It was their song, Save A Prayer that first captured my attention. Then came Rio, and I was hooked. I remember buying the magazine Smash Hits and reading as much as I could about them.

One of my school friends told me she had the album, Rio, but she didn’t want it any more. I’d been saving up my pocket money to buy it, and she said I could have her copy for £1.50. She promised she’d bring it to the school disco. I recall being really nervous and hoping that she’d be there and have the album with her. I didn’t care about the disco – I just wanted the album! She didn’t let me down, and I felt utter joy at finally having it in my hands. It didn’t have a front cover – my friend said she couldn’t find it, but I didn’t care. I was over the moon.

Rio was my first Duran Duran album, and I saved for their next two albums, as well as their debut album, which was simply the name of the band. I still have them now – vinyl, of course – as well as a 12-inch picture disc of The Reflex, but no record player to play them on! Though I’m planning on rectifying that and getting one. I’m looking forward to hearing them ‘properly’ rather than on CD.

My mum and dad didn’t like Tops of the Pops much, but they let me watch it, and I certainly didn’t want to miss Duran Duran on there. Of course, there weren’t even video recorders then so I always tried to make sure I could watch it ‘live’. But there were some occasions when I couldn’t. Now, although I didn’t have a video recorder, I did have a tape recorder. So, if I wasn’t going to be at home, I’d ensure it was set up, ready for Dad to press record when Top of The Pops came on. Unfortunately, as well as a tinny recording of the programme, all the background noise in the room was picked up – from my dad rattling the paper, to the clock chiming, to mum telling the cat not to scratch the settee! But I didn’t care – at least I could hear Duran Duran on Top of the Pops!

John Taylor, the bass guitarist, was my favourite member of the band. My best friend, Jackie, was a huge fan too, and John was also her favourite. She can remember staring at a poster of him for hours! I had a T-shirt with his face and name on, and loved wearing it – until I was walking down the street one day and a strange man came up to me and told me his name was John Taylor too. I didn’t wear the T-shirt after that!      

My love affair with Duran Duran continued for the next few years, and I felt so proud of them when they were asked to record the Bond theme for the film A View to A Kill. In my eyes, they’d truly made it.

But, after the Bond theme, things seemed to go awry for them, and they split, with the members forming other bands and doing other projects. I was gutted. But I was also getting older, so the posters came down, and my obsession with them waned. I wasn’t keen on their new bands and music, so I wondered if that was that.

Thankfully, they came back together as Duran Duran, and so I’ve been able to resume my love affair.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 16 Comments

Funny Of The Week

Who wouldn’t want to be admired by their pears?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 12 Comments

Laughing Along With A Limerick

Here’s to a great new week! Your new limerick challenge is as follows:

POOL

Your challenge last week was to write a limerick using the word GREEN in it somewhere. Here are your masterpieces:

Keith Channing:

Good grief, it’s a five-letter word.
Reminding me this is absurd.
Esther wants a rhyme
Every flipping time
No wonder my eyes are all blurred!

Trent’s World:

Yesterday I watched the sky
And a little green man flew by
He was from Mars
Or one of the stars
But he never stopped to say “Hi!”

Kim Smyth:

Our grass is no longer green
The sun has been pretty mean
We water and mow
But still it won’t grow
Cause the heat is just obscene!

Christine Mallaband-Brown:

There is a place Caldmore green.
It’s a place where I have been
It’s pronounced Kalma
Not exactly Karma
That’s the sound it makes it seems.

Val Fish:

Her indoors says we’re going green
I must confess I’m not all that keen
We’ve bins brown black and blue
What goes where, I’ve no clue
I’ll leave it all to the recycling queen.

TanGental:

A comic, when young and quite green
Thought nothing of being obscene;
But a life so splenetic
Can become quite frenetic.
Now sadly his act is now clean.

Ruth Scribbles:

The woman, she put down her head
She was tired, she wanted her bed
But it was the scene
Of something real green
A lizard was there and was dead.

That bird it shat on my arm
For a second I wished it real harm
The shat was not green
It was white like cream
I’m clean now, no cause for alarm.

Linking People 2003:

GREEN, colour between blue and yellow in spectrum heralds,
Her flashing green eyes coloured like grass and emeralds.
In a house overlooking the green piece of public grassy land,
The roof greening with lichen become green in colour brand.
She knew how to green her home better than McDonald’s!

***

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 18 Comments

Can You Tell A Story In…

It’s Thursday once again and that means five-word story time. Your new word this week is:

PERFUME

So can you tell a story in five words using the word in it somewhere?

Your word last week was GLASS. Here are your GLASSY stories:

Keith Channing:

Glasses – mostly made of plastic
Let’s all enjoy a glass
Ale comes in glass bottles
Storage bottles need thick glass
Smashing glass makes great sound!

Terveen Gill:

Glass shatters. The poison worked.

Ruth Scribbles:

My glass has cold water.

Her looking glass tells lies.

Glass houses are not reflective.

Darlene:

Where are my glass slippers?

I’ll break that glass ceiling.

Careful, my heart is glass.

People in glass houses shouldn’t.

Sale – glass slipper, worn once.

Christine Mallaband-Brown:

Sometimes my glass is empty.

I emptied my full glass.

No Gin and Tonic in glass.

I see clearly through glass.

Red glass like a sunset.

This glass cut my finger.

Glass blowing, brilliant art work.

Val Fish:

Glass ceilings unfair to women.

Prince brings back glass slipper.

Walked into glass door. Ouch!

Glass half empty? Not me!

Lost glasses found; on head!

Simon’s Space:

Reluctantly I raised the eyeglass.

Effortlessly he drained the glass.

Staring through the misted spyglass.

***

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 21 Comments