My Weekly Writing Challenge

Looking for some inspiration? Then why not give my latest writing challenge a go?

Option one: Write a limerick with the word LOVE in it somewhere

Option two: Write a poem on the theme of SONG

Option three: Write a twenty-word story using all of the following words: BIEBER, ALIAS, VORTEX, BILATERAL, LACONIC and TURGID

Last week option one was to write a limerick with the word SCHOOL featuring in it somewhere. Here are the entertaining results –

Keith Channing shows why he’s the best at this:

My dad said I’d end up a fool
If I didn’t work hard in school
“To increase your station
You’ll find education
Is by far the most powerful tool.”

Your future potential to earn
Is your fundamental concern
At school you’ll be taught
Everything that you ought
To be everso willing to learn.

Your schooldays are always the best
Right up to the A level test
So, like it or not,
Just sit there and swot
Then you’ll be prepared for the rest.

The urge both to learn and to teach
Should not be beyond anyone’s reach
To be a good scholar
There’s no need to holler
Just head straight to school, not the beach.

My first day at school I was scared
I didn’t feel really prepared
Mum left me alone
While I quaked to the bone
Then I found a nice teacher who cared.

Jason Moody is next up with some hilarious limericks:

The school bully’s name it was Billy
Who loved to make me look silly
So in the middle of maths
I pulled down his pants
And the class all laughed at his hair.

Some kids of today are quite dense
No opinions, they sit on the fence
At school they should stay
They’d have something to say
Instead they’re just full of pretence.

I’ve discovered the secret of cool
This involves weekday visits to school
Your intellect puny
But you’ll end up in Uni
Just don’t skip or you’ll end up a fool.

Graeme Sandford‘s is short and witty:

Cool –

Option two was for a poem on the theme of WILDLIFE.

Rajiv Chopra has written a powerful poem:

I like the tiger, I like his claw,
I like his tooth, and I like his maw.
We smash his bones,
With big, pretty stones
Then chant a spell, and make a powder
Just to give my sex much more power.

In the waters, by light and dark,
Swim the fishes and the sharks.
The fins are cut, just for the soup
Their bodies, in pain, then start to droop.
Our hunger, our desire, continue to grow.
It’s important for many to brag and show.

Creatures with feathers taste very nice
We breed them and feed them, with a bit o ‘spice.
With hormones injected, they grow very juicy
Cooped in their cages, their lives are not easy
The technology to breed, has spread far and wide
Our feathered friends have nowhere to hide.

But wildlife, my friends, can bring us much joy
To enjoy Nature’s laws, we must not be coy.
The world is a big place, with room for us all,
A calm mind will help us to hear Nature’s call.
They feed us, they nourish us, they give off their soul,
Wildlife is more than just meat in a bowl.

To look at them move, is a sight that can thrill
A world without them, would give me a chill
To not hear bird chirp, or tigers roar,
Think of that world – it’s extremely poor.
But we can save our wildlife, starting with one,
And one more, and one more, let’s bring them some sun.

Our children will thank us for thinking of them;
For saving this treasure, and sharing with them.
The joys of the birds, the bees and the fish
The sounds and the smells; the colours, the hiss.
The time is now, there’s no moment to lose,
Our legacy, our world, it’s ours to choose.

Lastly, option three was for you to write a twenty-word story using all of the following words: COLIN, GAMER, INEFFABLE, TRAPEZE and MORRIS DANCING. I loved all the different stories you came up with.

EDC Writing starts us off with a belter:

Colin a once ineffable trapeze artist, secret passion Morris dancing, seeks open minded sedentary gamer, for whatever we can manage?

Jason Moody treats us with five super stories:

“She’s a trapeze loving, Morris dancing gamer,” said Colin.

“She sounds ineffable,” said Mark.

“I know. Date’s tonight.” said Colin.

Colin, an ineffable gamer waited in the Argos queue for his trapeze. Outside, Morris dancing entertained shoppers in the mall.

The ineffable gamer, Colin bounced on his trapeze. He couldn’t stop thinking about the Latin Morris dancing. Ole, he thought.

“Have you tried Morris dancing?” asked the assistant.

“No,” said Colin. “I’m an ineffable gamer.”


He hated chit chat.

Colin was in an ineffable mood. He’d just watched Gerard Butlers Gamer. Morris dancing, trapeze, drinking. Nothing cheered him up.

Rajiv Chopra had fun writing this one:

Colin, ever the gambler, had to jump up and down on the trapeze everyday, whilst watching that ineffable Morris dancing.




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Markets For Writers

Enjoy writing poetry? Here’s a competition for you. The Samuel Taylor Colderidge Memorial Poetry Prize welcomes entries of up to 25 lines for its themed competition. Here’s some information for you:


1st: £100

2nd: £70

3rd: £50

Entry: FREE

Theme: Trees

Closing date: 1st June 2016

Send your entries to: 38, Brendon Road, Watchet, West Somerset,  TA23 0AX






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Funny Of The Week/Nutty Newspaper Headlines Part Five

I’m not going to say anything about this one…


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Monday Motivations

If you’re like me and feeling that sluggish Monday-mind-syndrome, why not get it working by  entering one of my two short story competitions (with prizes!)? One of them is for a short story of up to 1000 words on the theme of TREASURE. How you choose to interpret that theme is up to you. You could write about riches or the treasure in question could be a person. The treasure may not be physical, but the search for the meaning of life or the treasure of realising a cherished dream.

Open your mind and see where it takes you.

Here’s my story – here the treasure in question is the treasure of love:

The Blue Balloon

Jennifer hated the bright blue balloon. She stared at it, tears falling freely down her face. She stabbed it with her nail, wanting to burst it, to banish it from her mind. But up it bounced, buoying gently towards her.

She pushed it away, then pulled at her sweater sleeves before wrapping her arms round herself.

“Jenny…” a voice softly spoke. Hands reached out.

Jenny turned away from her husband.

“Jenny!” more urgently this time.

She clenched her fists, swinging round.

“If you hadn’t insisted on buying that balloon, he wouldn’t have…” her breath caught in her throat.

This time, she allowed the arms to enfold her and the loving lips to brush her hair.

“It’s alright, he’s been found.”

Her head snapped up, eyes searching the scene before her and finding khaki trousers and a red top.

“Blue balloon!” the little boy said, his eyes alight.   



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Guest Writer Spot

I’m looking for some new writers for my Friday guest slot. If you’d like to see your work in my Guest Writer Spot, please contact me here or by e-mail: I accept stories, poems, articles – in fact, anything and everything. All you have to do is make sure your prose is no longer than 2000 words and your poems no more than 40 lines.

I’m pleased to welcome back last week’s guest writer, Sylvie Johnston, with another heartfelt poem. Here’s a little bit about her in her own words:

“I am a thirty-three year-old mother of three. I used to work for my local council but I now stay at home with the children. I’ve always loved writing – stories in particular but I’m now enjoying branching out into the world of poetry.”




Sylvie Johnston

It stabs,

It twists, slowly,

Then reality hits.


Tears fall,

Tears make her stir,

She looks that one last time.


Pain hurts,

Pain of her death,

My cherished child now gone.





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My Weekly Writing Challenge

If you fancy flexing your creative writing brain, why not give my latest writing challenge a go?

Option one: Write a limerick with the word SCHOOL in it somewhere

Option two: Write a poem on the theme of WILDLIFE

Option three: Write a twenty-word story using all of the following words: COLIN, GAMER, INEFFABLE, TRAPEZE and MORRIS DANCING

Last week option one was to write a limerick with the word TEETH featuring in it somewhere. Here are the wonderful results:

The King of Limericks, Keith Channing, is first up with his brilliant quintet:

I’m missing a number of teeth
From above and a few from beneath
It wouldn’t be great
To wear a false plate
But I need to, or my name’s not Keith.

I’m leaving my igloo sub-polar
To look for some energy solar
My teeth will still chatter
But that doesn’t matter
The last line must end up with ‘molar’.

My pet theory’s just been disproved
And I know that I should be unmoved
But don’t ask how I feel
Coz it’s truly unreal
Like a shark with teeth freshly removed.

The teeth on my gears, post Madrid
Are shattered, so guess what they did.
They ran an upgrade,
And that, I’m afraid,
Will cost me five slots on the grid.

I’m doing some stuff on my blog
About Eos, our lovely new dog,
But Trev was aware;
His teeth he did bare,
And said we should go for a jog.

David Harrison has written two highly amusing limericks:

“Ha ha I’ll have them all out!”
Cried the dentist Septimus Sprout
“I love pulling teeth
My contempt is beneath
Any wimp who dares to shout!”

A knight called Sir Lancelot Heath
While jousting lost all of his teeth
To buy a new set
The cash he couldn’t get
So he pinched it from his valet Keith.

Your second option was to write a poem on the theme of WAR:

Rajiv Chopra wrote a very powerful poem:

Raise high the God of War,
Let’s fill the streets with blood and gore.
We must fight with all our might,
And we must avenge every slight.
What’s yours is mine, you little slime;
I’ll kill and plunder till all is mine.

I’ll take your woman, you little shit
We’ll kill everyone, bit by bit.
The world will shake with the thunder,
And drown under the weight of plunder.
Your’e in my way, and that’s your blunder.
We will push you six feet under.

There is only one God, he is mine.
I’ll smash your temples, and your shrine.
Your festivals are just sacrilege
We’ll bury your customs, and your language.
We shall raise my God’s Temple,
And raze yours, it’s just that simple.

One day, when all is yours,
And when you rule, from shore to shore;
There’ll be no people, no more fauna,
The world will be shorn of all it’s flora
Will you then raise high, the Gods of War,
Or quote the Last Raven, “Nevermore”?

 Jason Moody also crafted a strong poem:

It rips apart nations
And closes our hearts
It robs us of light
Throws us into the dark

Like a virus it spreads
Men with guns all infected
While those in the middle
Muttered, displaced, neglected

We don’t learn our lessons
We’re still medieval
Lands filled with hate
Intent on upheaval

We mourn for those lost
But lessons aren’t learnt
Our leaders they preach
But their words people spurn

This fighting won’t cease
While the worlds full of hate
This virus, evolving
Perhaps it’s too late

Our future is uncertain
But our voice must implore
Put an end to the hate
Build a world without war.

It’s with great pleasure that I welcome Gordon Simmonds to my weekly challenge. As many of you know he’s been my guest writer many a time, with his wonderful poems on the subject of war. Here is an extract from his poem, Williams War which he’d like to present for inclusion in this week’s Writing Challenge:

As the first salvo shattered the silence that day in 1915,

They say you were there, hearing the thunderous roar

And feeling the ship tremble as the big guns fired,

As the great battleship Cornwallis, opened the war at Gallipoli.

They say you were there as she belched flame and fury,

And watched as the great shells reduced their target to blasted rubble.

Were you the first to land on that dreadful shore before they sent for the Army?

Did you watch from your ship as our boys forced the beach-head

And died like the flies that infested the corpse covered beaches?

Or; were you ashore, enduring the stifling heat of summer

And the sickness that killed more men than the Turks?

Then, when the ANZACS came, brash and innocent of total war,

Did you see them suffering in the hell of Suvla Bay, as they died too?

Were you there when the Generals destroyed an army,

And when the last shot was fired, did you join those once proud men

As in the dark of night, they left, in inglorious defeat?

Bharul Chhatbar felt inspired to write a poem on this subject:

Oh dear war! Why are you so?
Whore, anger, roar
You make us scare
Raze with despair.

You not so, I know
Enveloped over peace
So ferocious is your clatter
Please change to better.

Such destruction, such great losses
Why not for once reason?
Dear, be winning all rationally
Then metamorphosed to loyalty!

Option three was for a twenty-word story using all of the following words: PRINCE CHARMING, GANGSTER, BALLET, APOCOLYPSE and CHUFFEDJason Moody always entertains with his stories:

Prince Charming, as he was known, was rather chuffed. His gangster friend was at ballet, completely unaware of the apocalypse.

“Ballet shoes?” said the gangster. He was less than chuffed.

Prince Charming did not lessen his demands, despite the apocalypse.

Prince Charming, his gangster friend and the lady from ballet were all chuffed the new nightclub, Apocalypse had finally opened.

Prince Charming, now a feared local gangster, was chuffed with the ballet tickets. Swan Lake Apocalypse sounded great, he thought.

EDC Writing tapped into my misspelling with a very witty story:

Apocalypse can wait no matter how you spell it , Prince Charming chuffed to see ‘Gangster Queen’ dancing at the ballet!

Rajiv Chopra spins a funny yarn:

“Prince Charming fancied himself a gangster. Chuffed with the idea of creating a huge apocalypse, he went to a ballet.”

David Harrison brings last week’s delightful entries to a close, with his super story:

“Prince Charming is a fraud and gangster!” said Buttons at the ballet, chuffed at his apocalypse. “He’s now a pumpkin!”



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Markets For Writers

A competition with a difference is my market for you this week. The Page is Printed is looking for any type of writing on any topic for its creative writing competition. But your entry must be no longer than the length of a single page of A4. Here are the all-important details:

Prizes: £75 each to the best four pieces of writing and £25 each for the best three entries from the under 18’s

Entry fee: £5 for a single entry, £10 for up to three entries, free for the under 18’s

Closing date: 6th May

For further details, visit their competition page.





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