Funny Of The Week/Amusing Signs Part One

This is a series I’ve run before, but I’ve come across some hilarious new signs. I hope you enjoy them. Here’s the first. I’d love to know how this works:

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Monday Motivations

This week’s stimulus to set you off on the writing trail is a visual one. I hope this eerie scene, with the strange-looking shadow in the distance, sets you thinking…

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Top Tip Of The Week

Fiction in a flash

My top tip of the week is a cheeky one – if you have any time over the long bank holiday weekend write a flash fiction story for my competition! There’s still plenty of time to enter, but why not have a go now? Here’s a reminder of the details:

Flash Fiction Competition

Prizes: 1st £50, 2nd £25, 3rd £10

Entry fee: £2 per story

Word Limit: Stories of up to 250 words are invited on any theme.

Payment can be made by credit card or Paypal, via the website. Cheques should be made payable to Esther Newton.

Entries should be submitted as e-mail attachments in Word or PDF format. In the body of the e-mail, please detail the following: your name, postal address, e-mail address, story title and word count.

For postal entries, please include a cover sheet with the following information: your name, contact details, story title and word count. If you want your story back, please enclose an S.A.E.

The title does not form part of the word count.

Your name should not appear anywhere on the story.

E-mail entries to: esthernewton@virginmedia.com

Postal entries to: Flash Fiction Competition, 21 Fuller Close

Thatcham, Berkshire, RG19 4GS, England

Website: https://esthernewtonblog.wordpress.com/flash-fiction-competition/

Closing date: 30th June 2015

All winning entries will be published and showcased on the website.

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Have a great weekend and happy writing :-)

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My Weekly Writing Challenge

Last week, I gave you the opening to your story, so this week, for my challenge, I’m going to give you the ending:

She shook her head and smiled. The day hadn’t started well, but it had certainly ended with a bang.

There are no word limits or themes. Why your character shook her head and smiled and what the bang was, is up to you.

Last week, your opening sentence was ‘John knew he’d gone too far this time – and there was no going back’. Here are the entries:

Steve Walsky was quick of the mark with this witty flash fiction story:

John knew he’d gone too far this time – and there was no going back.

“Ahem!” said Elvis, the impatient Los Vegas Wedding Chapel guy, “I said, you may now kiss the bride!”

Later, as he packed his bags for their trip to his apartment in London, John thought, obviously, what happens in Vegas does not always stay in Vegas. It was going to be a long plane ride.

Geoff Le Pard brings his wonderful humour to his poem:

Poor John – a poem

John knew he’d gone to far this time
And there was no going back;
His punishment was sure to follow
For the pants he’d forgot to pack.

Shirts and shorts were missing too;
He’d nothing but his socks.
And cycling two hundred miles
He’d really miss his jocks.

For John was a well-hung man
– his parts were in demand-o;
But nothing could prepare poor John
For biking when commando.

Keith Channing is an expert in building tension in his stories:

John knew he’d gone too far this time – and there was no going back.

He had been over this scenario in his mind a thousand times and the outcome had been different on each occasion. Not only did the result vary, his reaction to it did, too. He had seen the highest highs and the lowest lows, peaks of elation and depths of despair.

Countless times, he had asked himself what he would do; how he would handle it if he found himself forced to make a decision, an irreversible, irrevocable commitment which allowed no ‘get-out clause’, no second chance, no escape route.

And now, here he was. The time he had been planning for, hoping for, working for, and yet dreading, had arrived.

John raised his head from the screen he’d been staring at for what felt like hours but was, in fact, only seconds. His heart in his mouth, his stomach tying itself in indescribable knots, he forced himself to look his inquisitor in the eye as he uttered the words that would make or break him; lift him to glory beyond his dreams or reduce him to misery that went further and deeper than his worst nightmares:

“C – Sodium metabisulphite. Final answer.”

Jason Moody squeezed his entry in  – just as I was about to post the new challenge!

John knew he had gone too far this time – there was no going back. The Tom Tom had once again lied to him.He pulled out a packet of crisps from the glove compartment. It was going to be a long wait.

Jason sent another in and it was so moving, I had to add it in:

John knew he had gone to far this time
There was no going back
What slipped from his lips
Lacked any tact
She recoiled in hurt
As if shot by a gun
John knew that this night
Would not be much fun
She stormed from the party
With tears in her eyes
Ignoring the echo
Of John’s pitiful cries
Into the night
Tears making her blind
She never saw it coming
The car from behind
A second had passed
As she hit the ground
John found her frozen
Not making a sound
He cried and he shook her
His regret was now strong
But with this he must live
As she was now gone
John knew he had gone too far this time
There was no going back
But his one true love
From his life would lack

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Markets For Writers

My market for you this week is called ‘The Letters Page‘. It’s a correspondence-themed literary journal, which publishes hand-written letters.

The journal is published three times a year. Each copy is free and downloadable as a PDF file.

They’re looking for ‘stories, essays, poems, memoir, travelogue, reportage, conversation, criticism, speculation, illustration, deviation, and more. If you can fit it in an envelope, we will consider it for publication. There is no theme; there are no restrictions’. But short is their preference.

There’s no entry fee and each published letter will receive £100.

See website for further details.

They’ve just had a competition, so keep a look out for the next one.

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Funny Of The Week/Hilarious Exam Answers Part Ten

We moan that today’s children don’t read and then we moan when they clearly do…

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Monday Motivations

My motivation for you this Monday comes in the form of an image of an underwater world. Let your imagination carry you away…

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