Markets For Writers

Looking for a short story competition? Then why not enter the Literary Taxidermy Short Story Competition? You have up to 2500 words in which to create your masterpiece. Here’s what they have to say:

The catch: We provide your opening and closing lines chosen from a classic work of literature. You provide the rest. Follow the links below to learn how to enter, and join our mailing list for the latest updates.

The author of the winning story in each contest will receive a USD $500 cash prize and a complimentary copy of the forthcoming 2020 Literary Taxidermy Anthology; runners-up will receive a USD $50 cash prize; and both the winner and runners-up will be published in the forthcoming 2020 Literary Taxidermy Anthology.

The entry fee is USD $10 and the closing date is 4th June 2020. You can find out more on their website.

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Funny Of The Week

I know we’ve been short of loo roll but…

Funny classified ads make the newspaper worth reading : theCHIVE
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Laughing Along With Another Limerick

When I first asked you to write a limerick as a bit of fun to cheer everyone up, little did I realise what I was starting. It seems you’ve relished them and would like to make this a regular thing to bring a smile to a Monday morning. Here are you wonderful creations from last week. More please!

Christine Mallaband-Brown:

There was a young man from limerick,
Who wanted to play on his guitar, quick
He wanted to rhyme
And keep in good time,
But his mom turned the light out with the dimmer switch!

Joy Lennick‘s husband:

Frozen Revenge:


A lady whose name was Theresa
shut her old man in the freezer…
By playing the field
he got himself killed
and he’s now with the sprouts and the pizza.

Keith Channing:

I asked Alexa for a limerick. Here’s what she gave me:

There was a young man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two.

Fenlandphil:

The Reverend Algernon Sproggs

Secretly collects ladies clogs.

His Mum used to say

It’s better today

When he was a boy he collected newts and
large frogs

There was a lady from St Kits
Who was blessed with very large ears
She said, I know that my dears,
Large ears
Doesn’t rhyme with St Kits.

Trent’s World:

In the days of virus people are blue
So I wrote a little limerick for you
I hoped it’d be swell
But it didn’t come out so well
But it is a verse brand new.

My last limerick was so bad
It is just making me awfully sad
I tried to bring cheer
But I only heard a jeer
So now I feel I’m a terrible cad.

Those rhymes above weren’t serious
Sure, I wished they were hilarious
But they were quickly done
For a bit of fun
And I wrote them fast and furious.

Kim Smyth:

There once was a world filled with followers,
arrogant people and borrowers
Upon them a blight
Caused such keen insight
Instead, they improved our tomorrows.

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Book Review: Then She Was Gone @lisajewelluk

I’ve read several Lisa Jewell books and I’ve never been disappointed. From the delightful, heart-warming 31 Dream Street, to the more chilling and sinister I Found You, I’ve been instantly hooked. Would Then She was Gone be any different?

The blurb says:

She was fifteen, her mother’s golden girl.
She had her whole life ahead of her.
And then, in the blink of an eye, Ellie was gone.

Ten years on, Laurel has never given up hope of finding Ellie. And then she meets a charming and charismatic stranger who sweeps her off her feet.

But what really takes her breath away is when she meets his nine-year-old daughter.

Because his daughter is the image of Ellie.

Now all those unanswered questions that have haunted Laurel come flooding back.

What really happened to Ellie? And who still has secrets to hide?

Talk about gripping, compelling, moving, shocking – I could go on and on with a plethora of adjectives. As many of you know, I like a good page-turner and this was definitely a page-turner. Lisa really is the queen of twists and turns. Just when you wonder how on earth she’s going to bring everything together and join the dots, she does and then some.

It’s not often a book will make me cry, but I was so absorbed in the story, so connected to the characters, that I felt tears pricking at the back of my eyes at various points in the book. A thoroughly recommended read.

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Can You Tell A Story In…

Well, it’s certainly been a surreal week. I hope you’re all safe and well. Last week I wanted you to SMILE. This week, I’m taking a GUESS. So can you tell a story in five words, using the word GUESS in it somewhere?

Here are your SMILEY thoughts from last week:

Christine Mallaband-Brown:

I wiped that smile away!

The cat makes me smile.

Smile with pleasure, receive flowers.

The sun has a smile.

Big smile, shows gold teeth!

Smile at this big buffet.

Darlene:

Smile and the world smiles.

Smiles light up the world.

Anne Cartwright:

Nothing can mask a smile.

Sanandi-jacq:

Crocodile’s smile clears shopping aisles.

Smile and the world responds.

Smile light into the gloom.

Simply smile your way through!

Chelsea Owens:

Smile while I’ll style argyle.

Trent’s World:

Nice to see your smile.

Secret introvert smile during crisis.

Ritu:

Smile! You’re on Candid Camera!

A smile eases the pain.

My smile is my mask.

Inane smiles can be creepy.

He smiled as he left.

Can you smile more please?

Because I love your smile.

I live for your smile.

Paul L Mastaglio:

Give me a smile please.

Smile. The whole world’s watching!

Invert frown. Got a smile!

Tessa:

I am smiling to myself.

Smile? Give me a reason.

Smile, it hides your thoughts!

Smile, worth a thousand words!

Smiling thinly through my pain.

Val Fish:

A smile; no words needed.

A baby’s smile is priceless.

A smile says it all.

Behind painted smiles lies heartache.

Smiling; one thing worth catching.

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Image result for images guess funny quote
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Markets For Writers

The Oldie invites articles on any subject between 600 and 1300 words. The editor, Harry Mount has the following to say about it:

The idea for the Oldie was cooked up 25 years ago by its founding editor, Richard Ingrams, and his much-lamented successor, the late Alexander Chancellor. Their aim was to create a free-thinking, funny magazine, a light-hearted alternative to a press obsessed with youth and celebrity. The Oldie is ageless and timeless, free of retirement advice, crammed with rejuvenating wit, intelligence and delight.’

To find out more about it, click here.

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Funny Of The Week

Those cows just don’t listen…

Image result for funny signs mistakes
Posted in humor, humour | Tagged , , , | 21 Comments