Laughing Along With A Limerick

Here’s to a great week! Your new limerick challenge is as follows:

SANTA

Your challenge last week was to write a limerick using the word NICE in it somewhere. Here are your masterpieces:

Keith Edgar Channing:

My mother gave such good advice;
Don’t cause fuss, she said, just be nice.
I tried what she said
Whilst out drinking with Fred;
He filled all my pockets with ice!

Christine Mallband-Brown:

I once had a very nice cat
But she thought she was really a bat
She jumped up and down
And run round and round
But couldn’t fly because she was fat!

Trent’s World:

Sue was a very nice girl
So good she would make you hurl
Just once be mean
Or have your nickers seen
Be human, give it a whirl!

Kim Smyth:

For a girl to be nice
She must pay the price
Be sweet and helpful
And never regretful
With nary a need to think twice!

Lance Greenfield:

There was a young lady from Nice
Who married a Welsh lad called Rhys.
She thought it was strange
When he asked her to change.
Her silk negligee for a little white fleece.

Val Fish:

Is that ‘nice’ as in kind or pretty
Or is it ‘Nice’ as in the French city?
I need to know
Before I go
And try to compose something witty.

Linking People 2003:

Self sacrifice and martyrdom extinction,
Have subtle difference with nice distinction!
Both give pleasure and satisfaction zeal,
With pleasant and attractive appeal,
To next of kins with the fame addiction!

***

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Can You Tell A Story In…

It’s Thursday once again and that means five-word story time. Your new word this week is:

BOWL

So can you tell a story in five words using the word BOWL in it somewhere?

Your word last week was BALLET. Here are your BALLET stories:

Terveen Gill:

Life, a ballet of chances.

Her ballet slipper, his cheek.

Ritu:

” I said BALLOT not BALLET!”

A ballet dancer’s grace – unmatched.

Childhood ballet lessons – what memories!

Christine Mallaband-Brown:

Ballet. On point? Of course.

Do male dancers wear socks?!

Ballet, art and beauty entwined.

The red shoes… Poignant ballet.

Her ballet class was scary!

Disco dancing? Just NOT ballet!

Trent’s World:

Ballet dancers like Degas painted.

A ballet jump to freedom.

Ruth Scribbles:

Ball-et is tippy toe dancing.

Lance Greenfield:

Bronwyn bagged Brownies ballet badge.

Beautiful ballerinas bring ballet back.

Brawny ballet-dancer beats beefy boxer.

Inflatable stage made ballet bounce.

Chiarina: ballet by Boris Blacher.

Bolshoi Ballet are blooming brilliant!

Anil:

What a ballet dancer!

Wonderful ballet dancing, ain’t it?

She loves her ballet teacher.

Val Fish:

Pavlova – ballet dancer’s favourite pud.

***

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A Trip Down Memory Lane

And the Certificate is Awarded to…

When I moved a little while ago, I came across a pile of certificates from my childhood. I loved getting a certificate. I wasn’t a very confident child and being given a certificate made me feel I’d achieved something. It was there in black and white and couldn’t be taken away from me.

But getting a certificate wasn’t an easy thing to achieve; they weren’t given out very often and you had to do something special to merit one.

My earliest certificate dates back to when I was seven. It confirmed that I’d made my Brownie promise and I was now officially a Brownie Guide. Though they spelt my surname ‘Chilterne’ instead of ‘Chilton’. My first certificate and they’d spelt my name wrong! I was mortified.

One of my favourite things when I was a Brownie, and subsequently a Guide, was to try and gain badges. These badges were made of cloth and were sown onto the sleeve of the uniform. And every badge came with a certificate. I can’t remember what I had to do to gain my badges, but my certificates prove that I gained badges for safety in the home, house orderly, homemaker, hostess, craft, toymaker, child nurse, entertainer and more.

I enjoyed gymnastics at primary school and achieved levels 4 and 3. I was very close to getting my level 2, but I couldn’t use the vault. It terrified me. It probably didn’t help that I’d watched a girl fall off the vault and break her arm. So, I only have two gymnastics certificates, but I am rather proud of them. After all, I couldn’t even do a forward roll these days.  

Swimming has never been one of my strong points. I didn’t learn until I was ten, and I hated putting my head under water. I think the swimming coach despaired of me. Though I was determined to pass at least the basic level – and, of course, I wanted a certificate. My daughter swims like a fish and has numerous certificates for all sorts of distances. But she doesn’t have one like mine. My certificate proves that I swam a distance of 12 metres. Yes, 12 whole metres! A standard swimming pool is 25 metres in length, so that shows how bad I was at swimming.

Now, my prowess on a bicycle far outweighed my ability in the pool, and in the same year as I swam 12 metres, I took my National Cycling Proficiency test and passed. Those who passed the test were given a certificate and a metal badge. Sadly, I lost the badge somewhere along the line, but the certificate remains in pristine condition.

One of the certificates I remember being most proud of is one I received at junior school. The whole school was involved in a scheme to get children reading. The aim was to read fifteen books and to write a book review for each one. I’ve always loved reading; it’s still my favourite hobby now. I can recall being excited by this challenge, and I reached the goal in no time. So, I carried on. By the time the deadline came, I’d written twenty-four book reviews. Everyone who had succeeded in completing fifteen book reviews was presented with a certificate in assembly. I can remember the moment when the headmaster called me up on stage and announced to everyone that I’d written the most book reviews in the whole school. I was chuffed to bits.

Whenever there was a big athletics meeting being aired, the TV would go on, so I was brought up watching the rivalry between Sebastian Coe and Steve Ovett. I especially liked the 1500 metres and was thrilled to find that when I went up to secondary school, we had the opportunity to do athletics in the summer-term. The 1500 metres became my event, and I would image myself racing round the track like my heroes, albeit at a snail’s pace compared to them. I have several athletics certificates and a silver medal, but the running certificate I feel most proud of is the one for sport aid. In May 1986, a 10km Race Against Time was held simultaneously in 89 countries to raise money for those suffering from famine in Africa. I can’t remember how much I raised, but I can recall asking as many family and friends to support me as I could. It was such a worthwhile event to be part of.

Over the years, I have accumulated more certificates – for passing exams, volunteering, work-related achievements and so on. They may have had more of an impact on my life, and so arguably be more important, but somehow they don’t quite compare to these few. 

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Funny Of The Week

Perhaps they should have chosen a different image…

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Laughing Along With A Limerick

Here’s to a great week! Your new limerick challenge is as follows:

NICE

Your challenge last week was to write a limerick using the word STUDY in it somewhere. Here are your masterpieces:

Keith Edgar Channing:

Study well, my old grandfather said,
Try to cram more facts into your head.
Use what you’ve been given,
Don’t fear being driven,
You’ll achieve much before you are dead.

Christine Mallband-Brown:

The squire went down to his study
To meet with his favourite buddy
They proceeded to read
Books about chicken feed
To stop it from getting all muddy.

Kim Smyth:

Study real hard, and you’ll go far
Is what my dad said to me
So I’m doing Spanish
To learn a new language
Soon, look how fluent I’ll be!

Lance Greenfield:

“Study hard and have lots of fun!”
Is what Bony Tony told his son,
Who loved to write
And pillow-fight,
But, most of all, he loved to run.

Ruth Scribbles:

She said “If only you’d have studied,”
but she didn’t understand muddy
Mud pies vs
Dotting I’s
I’d rather not study and be grubby.

Linking People 2003:

Education is to train the mind to think,
Study requires devoting time and attention without a blink!
Reading and listening are inputs,
Writing and speaking are outputs,
Google search engine is largest library over palm via url link!

***

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Can You Tell A Story In…

It’s Thursday once again and that means five-word story time. Your new word this week is:

BALLET

So can you tell a story in five words using the word BALLET in it somewhere?

Your word last week was STARE. Here are your STARE stories:

Terveen Gill:

Lingering stare. Beginning or ending?

Simon’s Space:

I stared at the stars.

For hours I stared up.

I will outstare you.

Christine Mallaband-Brown:

Rude to stare – so peek!

Mr Stare glared at him.

Contorted stairs made me stare!

Hypnotised, he stared at walruses.

Star trek costume, many stares!

Texas state star, lone stare?

Trent’s World:

The ostrich stared me down.

I stared, nothing came.

Ruth Scribbles:

He stares at her constantly.

Staring is a rude action.

If I stare, he’ll know.

Is watching people called staring?

Lance Greenfield:

Snake’s soporific stare secured sleep.

Ginger danced with a stare.

It’s hard not to stare.

Your beauty merits my stare.

Sparkling stares in their eyes.

Time to stop and stare?

Narcissus stared into the pool.

I stare because I’m curious.

Anil:

Stare at your own peril!

Fenlandphil:

The stare was not climbed.

***

Image credit: Pinterest

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Gift Ideas

Last week, I posted about my daughter’s bespoke clay earrings business and her new Christmas range. If you missed the post, you can find it here. As well as everything Christmas-themed, Charlotte makes custom-made pet earrings and fun designs, including tiny toast, avacados, croissants and fried eggs, which make ideal gifts. So, if you’re stuck for ideas for Christmas presents, take a look at her shop.

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Funny Of The Week

Perfect for the whole family…

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Laughing Along With A Limerick

Here’s to a great week! Your new limerick challenge is as follows:

STUDY

Your challenge last week was to write a limerick using the word WHIFF in it somewhere. Here are your masterpieces:

Keith Edgar Channing:

When I was a teen and bored stiff
How could I resist a Wills’ Whiff?
I thought they were strong,
Found out I was wrong;
For goodness’ sake, roll me a spliff!

Chel Owens:

In imagined galaxies far (far) away,
A bold captain kept th’ aliens at bay.
If they caught a whiff
Of smart Spaceman Spiff
They’d cower! – till Calvin would wake.

(From the Calvin and Hobbes comics.)

Christine Mallband-Brown:

The new perfumes out, what a whiff!
I took a really big sniff
Then coughed and spluttered
And disgustedly muttered
‘That’s rank, like a skunk, what a niff!’

Kim Smyth:

When he got a whiff of her scent
He was moved to lament
Back in the day
I’d have had my way
But now my feet are slow like cement!

TanGental:

‘It wasn’t the smell,’ said Belle, a bit sniffy.
‘He’s always inclined to be a bit whiffy.’
‘I realised he’d died,’
‘When, to my surprise,’
‘I found he’d developed a st*ffy.’

Lance Greenfield:

When Bony Tony went to sea,
His face turned as green as a pea.
The rocking of our skiff
And that bad saline whiff
Put Tony right off our delicious tea.

Ruth Scribbles:

She once got a whiff of near death
When she got close and smelled his bad breath
She thought she would die
Yet didn’t bat an eye
When she said brush or live with Macbeth.

Val Fish:

A soft breeze came out of nowhere
There was something strange in the air
But a whiff of Youth Dew
Told me it was you
Blowing kisses from way up there.

Linking People 2013:

Why nose is positioned near mouth?
Whiff ensures the rightful stuff for both!
Dogs smell 100,000 times more than man,
First sense to evolve, even bacteria can!
Snakes use tongue to smell broth!

And welcome to Kaye Lynne Booth, with all these fabulous limericks:

Luella’s Fella

There once was a girl named Luella
Who had her eye on a mighty nice fella
But her hygiene was bad
A single whiff made him sad,
He just could not stand her smella.”

She was determined to win him over
So in the bath, she poured crimson and clover
Then she jumped in the tub
And with soap she did scrub
Thinking soon he would be her lover.

With shampoo she did take such great care
To wash out all the spiders from her hair
They had made a nest from her locks
And mice had eaten her frock
She had not a new one to spare.

She donned the best dress she could find
With her beau always in mind
Once she was clean
She did primp and preen
Even powdering up her behind.

But alas, he found another
Luella thought she’d surely smother
There were tears in her eyes
As they said their good-byes
But she settled for his younger brother.

***

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Can You Tell A Story In…

It’s Thursday once again and that means five-word story time. Your new word this week is:

STARE

So can you tell a story in five words using the word STARE in it somewhere?

Your word last week was CALORIES. Here are your CALORIE stories:

Terveen Gill:

Buttery kiss, no extra calories.

Keith Channing:

Air frying to save calories.

Chewing consumes a few calories.

Do calories in takeaways count?

Fifteen hundred calories? No way!

Double espresso has no calories.

I don’t obsess about calories!

Kim Smyth:

Don’t count calories, change sweeteners.

Work off calories by walking!

Drinking water adds no calories.

Christine Mallaband-Brown:

This Mascara has 2000 calories?!

My calorie controlled diet died!

Crying over an extra calorie.

The calorific value was massive.

Calorie? No, her name’s Carol!

Cake, my favourite calorie indulgence.

Ritu:

Cake ingredients state no calories!

Ruth Scribbles:

Cookie crumbs are escaped calories!

Lance Greenfield:

Calories explode like popping candy.

Crack competitors consume countless calories.

Counting calories is hard work.

Hard work burns many calories.

Kal-el Reece: the Welsh Superman.

Oooh! These calories taste great!

Anil:

Make love and burn calories.

Val Fish:

Broken biscuits have no calories
( so I’ve been told ).

Who’s counting calories? Not me…

Whoever invented calories wants shooting…

Calorie counting abandoned for Christmas.

Alcohol; wasted calories. Who cares!

Linking People 2003:

Fruits and vegetables lower calories.

Slow deep breathing burns calories.

Curtail wrong foods, less calories.

Stetching on bed consume calories.

***

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